Unconditional Love? *scoff*

September 26, 2010

“When you leave here, you will have new coping skills that will help you live your new, reformed life. Ease into your routines slowly and give yourself time to adjust and practice your new mind and emotions. You are here because you are fragile. This is a place that will build up your destructed life up from ground zero. Be careful and remember: put yourself first Kelsey. You deserve it.” -Mountain Crest Counselor’s response to my journal entry

After reading this excerpt written by one of my favorite counselors, I had an endless amount of hope. I was eager to ease into my reformed life and let the coping skills slowly take hold and become part of my routine.

With these high expectations, I was discharged with increased medications and a new outlook on my life. I cried more that day than I could possibly could have expected.

I am in awe and disbelief that my “supportive” parents could crush me during my most vulnerable time.

“Stop being selfish Kelsey. The world doesn’t revolve around you. I can’t cater to your every fucking need 24/7.” -Mother

“Don’t bother coming home. You haven’t been here in days, just stay away.” -Father

“You are now and will always be a manipulative bitch.” -Mother

“You don’t appreciate me Kelsey. I do so much for you. All you see me as is a wallet and a place for you to sleep. You owe me.” -Mother

This last one in particular bothers me. Is it not a mother’s job to feed and financially support (to a point) their child? She pushes a sense of guilt onto me, using this “you owe me for just being your mother” crap.

Now I can ask: how can I possibly put myself first, ease myself into my fragile life, or rebuild my destructed emotions with these people and hateful words surrounding me? I don’t. I take my pills, walk through my life, try to be grateful for what I have, and hope that things don’t get worse.

Goal 1: Rebuild myself without falling back into the black hole that seems to enjoy consuming me

Goal 2: Realize that I don’t have to believe my mother and father’s opinions of me

Goal 3: Put myself first without feeling guilty

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One Response to “Unconditional Love? *scoff*”

  1. JESUS said

    Kelsey, this is what friends are for. You can live in my closet and eat fortune cookies and tartar sauce while torturing me with you’re ridiculous love for scary ass movies. Secondly- TYPO. “Goal2” should have a space and say “Goal 2.” Just lookin out for the best of you (:
    Now, come enjoy the fortunes.

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