?

November 29, 2010

Every night, I dream. I can’t always remember exactly what happened in my mind, but these… these are vivid. Three days later, I still remember it all.

I haven’t talked to you in months. I see you periodically, but no attention is payed by either of us. So here’s the question: Why am I dreaming about you?

My dreams aren’t memories from the past, but possibilities for the future. “Things were bad,” the dream goes, “but things are different now. It all can be rekindled, better than before.”

I feel guilty for it. I can’t help what happens when I sleep, but it’s still in my imagination.

“Hmmmm…” I thought, “maybe this is a sign.. I’ll just text him.” So I did. It was his birthday. He didn’t respond.

I’m not sure what my subconscious is trying to tell me. Whatever it is, it better make up it’s mind.

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Paranoia…

November 28, 2010

I’m jealous.

I can’t tell you; won’t tell you.

You don’t just talk to her,

You flirt with her.

I’m not afraid you’ll leave me,

I’m afraid I’m not enough.

I want to be your everything:

Not just a girlfriend,

But a friend.

I want us.

Ahhh…

November 22, 2010

All I needed was a song, a cigarette, and my hands behind the wheel.

“Stability”…

November 21, 2010

I don’t feel good enough.

I’m not craving attention,

I’m not trying to be self-centered,

I just seem useless.

I don’t stand out.

I have no talents worth noting,

When I try I never succeed,

And the few times I am proud of myself,

Nobody seems to notice.

 

I’m up to five pills a night.

Whether I take them or not,

I feel like a fucking zombie.

 

I guess,

looking on the bright side,

My emotions are stable.

I never said positive,

Just stable.

Words Cannot Describe…

November 18, 2010

You are the most

Considerate,

Gentle,

Selfless,

Genuine,

Compassionate,

Thoughtful,

And Loving

Person I know.

 

 

Stop.

November 10, 2010

I’m screaming

Thrashing my fists

A pen hits the wall

I can’t write this shit down.

My mind is spinning

I can’t stop

Not even to think.

My thoughts are gone

Overtaken

By some one I don’t know.

They misuse them

Abuse them.

This isn’t really me,

Please see it

I can’t control it.

It’s hurting you

From the inside out

I  can’t take this.