School…

March 31, 2011

Three weeks ago: Absent for memory loss, confusion, and expressive aphasia due to medication reaction.

Two weeks ago: Babysat, home alone, recovering my memory, personality, and ability to function

Last week: Late start every day because of CSAPs; very little work to be done.

The week: Absent due to cold.

Now, that’s a lot of school days missed. I’ve been sitting here wallowing in my own anxiety, considering the hours of make-up work ahead of me.

School is the only thing that really makes me depressed. It’s full of anxiety… I can’t stand it sometimes.

I couldn’t bring myself to look at my grades (I knew they would just make me more upset).  That is, until today…

Really? Only two classes I should be worrying about? Actually, speech, math, spanish, chemistry, and history isn’t that much to worry about.

All I have to worry about now is keeping this frame of mind. Fuck being bipolar…

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100 Truths

March 29, 2011

WHAT WAS YOUR:

1. Last beverage: grape juice

2. Last phone call: Tj Lesmeister

3. Last text message: Mom

4. Last song you listened to: Little Lion Man by Mumford and Sons

5. Last time you cried: 4 days ago

 

HAVE YOU EVER:

6. Dated someone: ummm… ya haha

7. Been cheated on: Yes. But we worked through it

8. Kissed someone & regretted it: Never

9. Lost someone special: yes

10. Been depressed: I don’t think this one needs to be addressed….

11. Been drunk and threw up: To many times to count

 

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS: (Right now)

12. Red

13. Green

14. Grey

 

THIS YEAR HAVE YOU: (2011)

15. Made a new friend: Mmhmm

16. Fallen out of love: No (:

17. Laughed until you cried: Not yet, unfortunately

18. Met someone who changed you: Nope

19. Found out who your true friends were: More now than ever

21. Kissed anyone on your FB friend’s list: Yes

 

GENERAL:

22. How many people on your FB friends list do you know in real life: 92%

24. Do you have any pets:  One dog, Dexter, and one cat, Annie

25. Do you want to change your name: I’ve thought about it

26. What did you do for your last birthday: Went snowboarding

27. What time did you wake up today: Noonish

28. What were you doing at midnight last night: Talking on Skype

29. Name something you CANNOT wait for: The rest of my life

30. Last time you saw your Mother: About a week ago

31.What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: Nothing: I wouldn’t be the person I am today

32. What are you listening to right now:        http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ghZt2cILcCU

33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: Haha yes. Good memories

34. What’s getting on your nerves right now: Nothing at the moment… Maybe that I’m not doing anything with anyone

35. Most visited webpage: Facebook

37. Nicknames: …Kels? Idk, none

38. Relationship Status: With the man I love

39. Zodiac sign: Scorpio

40. He or She: She

41. Elementary School: Kruse

43. College: CSU probably… not sure.

44. Hair color: Red at the moment 😉

45. Long or short: Long

46. Height: 5 foot 7 ish

47. Do you have a crush on someone? I’m faithful, but thoughts wander during times of stress….

48. What do you like about yourself?: My eyes

49. Piercings: Ears; one on the right, two on the left. Possibly lip ring soon… What do ya think?

51. Righty or lefty: Righty

 

FIRSTS :

52. First surgery: Age two

54. First best friend: Sydney McDonald

55. First sport you joined: Tennis, #1 doubles 😉

56. First vacation: Not sure. To young to remember

58. First crush?: Sean Arr… can’t spell (: Kindergarten

59. Eating: Nothing

60. Drinking: Grape juice still

61. I’m about to: Paint my nails… Red

62. Listening to:     http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jvp8yIsgcpo

63. Waiting for: Nobody

 

YOUR FUTURE :

64. Want kids?: Yes. Little girl named Lilly

65. Get Married?: Yes

66. Career?: Psychiatrist or writer. Ah, dreams…

 

WHICH IS BETTER :

67. Lips or eyes: Eyes, the gateway to the soul. They indicate it’s antiquity

68. Hugs or kisses: Both

69. short or tall: Tall, but short works too

70. Older or Younger: Doesn’t matter

71.Romantic or spontaneous: A little of both

72. Nice butt or nice chest: Chest

73. Sensitive or loud: A balance

74. Hook-up or relationship: Hook-ups make you appreciate relationships

75. Trouble maker or hesitant: Smart trouble maker

 

HAVE YOU EVER :

76. Kissed a stranger: Yes

77. Drank hard liquor: Only acceptable with cranberry juice or Coke

78. Lost glasses/contacts: I keep track of my glasses

79. Been on a date: Of course

80. Broken someone’s heart: Yes…

81. Had your own heart broken: Yes

82. Been arrested: I’m not stupid enough to get caught 😉

83. Turned someone down: Only that one time… He was high and my boyfriend was in the car

84. Cried when someone died: Of course

85. Fallen for a friend: Those are the best

 

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

86. Yourself: I try

87.Miracles: Yes. To a point

88. Love at first sight: Yes, definitely. But it lasting? Maybe…

89. Heaven: Nope

90. Santa Claus: I wish

91. Kiss on the first date: Eh, depends.

92. Angels: No

 

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:

93. Had more than one gf/bf: Not at the same time, but yes

94. Do you try to talk to guys/girls even when your in a relationship: I make better friends with guys, so yes

95. Did you sing today: Nope, coughing to much

96. Ever cheated on somebody: Yes…

97.Do you plan on cheating: Never again

98.If you could pick a day from last year and get rid of it, what would it be: None. They all count

99.Who do you think about?: Life

100. Are you Afraid of posting this as 100 truth?: Umm… Why would I be?

I will never be

March 18, 2011

I just don’t compare.

I’m broken.

Only temporarily fixable.

Honestly, not really worth it.

Cold Turkey

March 11, 2011

I have gone from 7 pills a night to 2.

I’m anxious and depressed… again.

Confused, forgetful, and lonely.

Crying just isn’t enough.

 

i dont remember…

March 6, 2011

i opened this to post a new blog

thing is, i dont remember what i was going to say

maybe it was the fact that i cant remember anything

im confused

on and off

cant function

i need taken care of even

“where am i driving?”

“what was i talking about?”

everyday.