Down, Down, Down…

April 6, 2013

What is depression?

The inability to foresee a future for yourself.

No matter what happened to me right now, whatever dream I’ve ever had suddenly came to be, I would not be happy. I guess the words “depression” and “hopeless” are synonymous.

I have spent the majority of my life seeking happiness, or even contentment. I thought I had it figured out, but once the prescription bottles stopped playing a part in my daily routine I fell back into this familiar place of despair.

The difference this time is my withdrawn personality. Before I grasped at every opportunity for help. Now, after several attempts and much experience, I don’t write, talk, or confide in anyone. I see no use in it, only the possibility of disappointment and misunderstanding. I suppose I am left riding this roller coaster of hope and depression for the rest of my life.

People come and go, my priorities change, but the underlying feeling of hopelessness is ever present. I will continue to lay in bed, preferring to be alone and accomplish nothing than partake in the world around me.

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