Making it work…

April 21, 2013

The doctor appointment went extremely well. I am now back on Lithium and Trazodone daily as well as Klonopin as needed for anxiety attacks. So far so good, although I’m not looking forward to the blood draws to check Lithium levels. I’m sleeping better without feeling completely comatose the next day (like I did on Seroquel) and feel more level-headed. Oh, did I mention it’s all cheap? Thank you Walmart Pharmacy $4 prescriptions!

Along with the reintroduction of medication into my daily life I have been dedicating myself to eating healthier. Replacing snack food with healthy stuff… you know, like in those Yoplait yogurt commercials? I’ve been doing well and am already back down to 125 lbs (just a few months ago i was up to 140 lbs).

On a side note, I’m re-reading my Maze Runner series of books. There’s nothing better than catching things you completely missed the first time through. Tonight I stumbled upon a very relevant excerpt…

“You get lazy, you get sad. Start givin’ up. Plain and simple.”

This is so very true. I have a lot of extra time on my hands and I usually spend it sitting around and dwelling on my emotions. Today I managed to keep busy, catching up on school work, registering for summer classes, finding time to actually read a book for enjoyment. I’m not sure if this keeping busy is what’s making me feel better or if it’s the medications (or a combination of both) but either way I’m loving every second of it. This is the me that I love. This is sane, stable, and capable Kelsey.

Of course, as it’s happened time and time again throughout my life,  I am stuck in some situations that are outside of my control. I am being put into places that I cannot get out of and it should be pretty terrifying… but it isn’t. I’m slightly worried about it, but I know it will pass and things will be back to normal in no time. This ability to look ahead into my future and feel hope instead of despair is one of my most prized re-found abilities. I can feel the “everything is going to be okay” part of my brain working it’s way through to the front.

I still think about you several times a day, but now I don’t cry. I smile, remembering how happy something like what we had could make me. I hope, wanting something to work out in the end. I wonder, wanting to know how you are doing and what you’re accomplishing. I fight the urge to contact you, wanting to share my stories and accomplishments with you. I suppose being proud of myself is enough for now.

So here’s to never losing hope, seeking help and a shoulder to cry on when you need it, having an appreciation for the wonderful things and people in your life, and making it work, whatever that “it” may be.

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