June 21, 2013
This question, pondered by so many, never seems to have a definite answer. I believe this is because, despite how grand and perfect the feeling is, it cannot be described, only felt.
Loving someone and being in Love with someone are different things. To me, Loving someone is subconsciously putting their needs and wants before your own. I have my own definition of what this type of Love is, something clear cut and easy.
When it comes to being in Love with someone, that’s when things get tricky. I cant write a sentence, a paragraph, book, or any amount of words accurately conveying the true meaning of what being in Love is or feels like. Maybe that’s what makes it so special…
“Love”, a short word with so much weight, can bring people to do things they wouldn’t otherwise. It can cause someone to be desperate, angry beyond words, lonely, empty… not all Love brings joy. When you give someone your soul, leaving your heart in their hands, it can come at a price. When they aren’t around, a part of you is gone with them. From personal experience this brings a sense of emptiness and loss of hope.
Why would being in Love with someone be worth it then? Because when the person who holds your heart and soul is with you and loves you in return it completes you. That coldness you felt, that empty pit in your stomach, finally warms and overflows with complete security and a knowing that everything will be okay.
Love gives you hope. It drives you to be the best version of yourself. It may make you to do things misunderstood by others, but it gives you a feeling of well being and completeness.
I write these words thinking of you. We have been through so much together; things that would drive most people far away from each other. For us, it has brought us closer. Mistakes have been made, and will probably continue to happen, but what matters is that I Love you and you Love me. Anything is possible for us, I believe this with every ounce of my being.
So, what is Love? Love is you and I, together, fighting through this world hand in hand, knowing that no matter what we will always have each other.
June 1, 2013
I spend a majority of my life trying to help other people.
I offer a shoulder to cry on, a roof over people’s heads, money when necessary, and unconditional love.
What do I get in return? Being called manipulative, a whore, a stalker, a person who “lures in guys then tears them apart.” I also am told on the regular that there is nobody in the world who actually cares about me.
All I can do is hold my head up high and know that what I do for those I love is caring, compassionate, and that I am trying my hardest to be a good person.
Now that I spend more time on myself, trying to get myself healthy and happy, a small amount of distance is placed between me, my friends, and loved ones. Because of this distance, everyone get’s angry and harsh. Because of this distance I get told terrible things.
The more this happens, the worse it gets. I suppose I’m being scarred, over and over again, showing me that the only person in the world I can trust is myself.
It’s me, myself, and I. People come and go, show compassion then rip at my heart. I guess this is where I begin my secluded, strong, and self loving chapter of my life.
Thanks, everyone, for making me the person I never thought I would be: untrusting, seeing the bad in people, and believing that no good deed goes unpunished.