I’m Sorry…

June 30, 2011

“My mind runs I can never catch it even if I got a head start.”

I can’t even focus on one thing for a few seconds.

I’m all over the fucking place…

Here’s to Kelsey’s irrational anxiety attacks.

I apologize to whomever I’m taking it out on. You know I don’t mean it the way I say it…

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God Damnit…

June 30, 2011

I knew this would happen.

When I see you smile and know that it is not for me, that is when I will miss you the most.

Lucky Me

June 27, 2011

“You’re the best Kels, he’s lucky to have even met you. I know every minute he has had with you means the world to him.” -Jessika Cross

I have the absolute best friends ever.

Thanks for being here for me regardless of what’s going onĀ  in your life. I only hope I can do the same for you.

We’ll see…

June 26, 2011

“If you love somebody, let them go. If they return, they were always yours. If they don’t, they never were.”

I’ve never experienced this in a more literal sense.

Here we go again…

June 25, 2011

Well, that didn’t take long.

What’s with me and scaring them off?

Words are only words… I can only believe you once you justify them with actions.

Like that’s going to happen.

What might have been the last time I saw you, we lied in your basement solemnly watching VH1’s 40 Best 1 Hit Wonders of the 90’s.

Usually, when someone enters and exits my life, there is just one song that will always remind me of them. With you? I have many… to many.

But, I suppose that’s proportionate to how much you mean to me.

I’m Gunna Be by The Proclaimers

Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm by The Crash Test Dummies

Bittersweet Symphony by The Verve

Lullaby by Shawn Mullins

The Impression That I Get by TMMBT

Feed The Tree by Belly

Walking In Memphis by Marc Cohn

Steal My Sunshine by Len

We sat there in each others arm singing along; laughing, crying.

I miss you already.

I feel like this will be less poetic, but it’s necessary to explain it in journal entry form.

After days of consideration, fear, anxiety, and wondering what was right, a few friends of mine (Connie and her son Johnny) took a very close friend of mine to the E.R.

He has been attempting suicide for quite some time now along with dealing with an abusive father. He willingly left his home to be assessed and admitted to Mountain Crest.

I am more than proud of him and know he is on his way to a better, happier life.

Then there’s you… you… love fiend.

I meet you, find you to be nothing but perfect, and realize you are leaving in 5 short days.

Sure, you might return for a few short visits, but you’ll be gone none the less.

So we sit in your room, smoking hooka, looking into each others eyes. I’ve known you for four days, but it seems to be forever.

Sitting here now, I still have the taste of you and blueberry hooka lingering on my breath.

Just Silly…

June 20, 2011

When you kiss my neck, I can’t help but smile.

You sing soft lyrics to me, making me giggle.

You’re butterfly kisses… oh so sweet.

“You’re to good to be true” I tell you.

“This is crazy,” you say, “I’m moving soon…”

You’re right… but, somehow, I don’t give a damn.

 

Greatness

June 16, 2011

After many late nights and hard cries,

I think I’ve come to a place where I’m content with myself.

I’m sure there will be more times of trouble,

but as of now, I couldn’t be more happy to be… well, me.

 

Hello. My name is Kelsey, and I’m living for myself.