Senior Year…

August 21, 2011

I had forgotten what depression feels like.

Well, this is quite the reminder.

My senior year starts tomorrow, and I’m not the least bit excited. This year is going to be terrible…

I can just feel it.

This back problem isn’t helping. I’m sick of being in pain.

Maybe surgery would be better sooner than later.

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“Are you alright?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Why?”

“You’ve been really quiet.”

“Sorry, I’ve been listening to your heart.”

You never cease to make my day.

Thank you for helping me off of couches, chairs, the floor, ect. when I got stuck.

Thank you for making sure I took pain meds whenever I needed to.

Thank you for being my personal assistant the past two days… you made me feel infinitely better.

I love you with my whole heart… and my back is pretty fond of you right now too.

*sigh*

August 11, 2011

Cool… I get it.

When you get a job, I’m supportive and do everything in my power to keep us close even thought you have a tough schedule.

EVEN when you got grounded, I tried my hardest.

I guess now that I have a job, it’s just not worth it to you anymore.

Whatever. Friendships never lasted for me in the past… why would it change now?

…..

August 7, 2011

The confusion is slowly coming back. I used to just have spacy moments, now its a day or few.

It could possibly be Lithium toxicity. Confusion and memory loss for sure… but now, my vision is rapidly getting worse along with my hearing.

What sucks the most? If it’s been Lithium toxicity this whole time, it’s been going on for a very long time. That could mean permanent side effects.

I haven’t told anyone but family because I’m trying to ignore it. If I have an episode and get anxious over it, it only gets worse.

I need help and support… and understanding. I get angry because I forget what I’m talking about. I get frustrated because I can’t think of words.

This can’t be happening again…

<3

August 5, 2011

As pathetic as it should seem, I know you miss me just as much.

I drove by your apartment on my way home tonight and started crying…

I miss you. So very much.

Spending six straight days and nights together right before you left probably didn’t help…

Can’t wait for Sunday (:

… not that it’s ever been anything better.

During my time volunteering there, I saw it go through some very severe financial ups and downs, but one thing has stayed the same: shitty programing.

While going through a few podcasts (some recent and some older) I am more than disappointed. Throughout the entire recording, there are people involved in the discussions that are not near a microphone, making it impossible to keep up with what is going on. The music is either inconsistent or repetitive. Although the discussion topics seem to keep on track for the most part, the listeners can not relate to them (WAY to many inside jokes between the hosts).

I understand that I, too, used to be a host here, BUT I tried (to no avail) to fix these problems. Here are a few ways I think things could be fixed to draw in more listeners and supporters:

1. Playlists constructed BEFORE the actual scheduled show. This would ensure that no random or monotonous music is played.

2. Limit the “guests” to people behind microphones. That would mean no more than 3 people speaking in the station at one time. KLIK isn’t just a place to hang out with your random bored friends, it’s a place where a show is being created.

3. Discussion topics are clearly stated and relevant to the listeners. It’s not about the hosts, it’s about the listeners. Also, consistent features done by each show every week would keep viewers interested and coming back for what they are familiar with.

4. Let the listeners give feedback on the quality of the show (possibly anonymously).

I realize that I no longer volunteer at KLIK and my opinion will be mostly unappreciated but I feel like the organization could be so much bigger and better than it has become. I had a large vision of a real, interesting, inviting, accepting, and stimulating show at KLIK. This never came to be because of the dramatic nature had between most of the KLIK staff.

As of now, I see that there are only three shows being hosted throughout the week (most of which I assume aren’t actually done every week as scheduled). This also means that there are fewer opportunities for listeners to get involved with the organization.

My advise to KLIK? Make some serious changes. How? Review your volunteers, their shows, and what they really want to accomplish by volunteering.

 

(:

August 2, 2011

RJ,

You will never be as happy as me…

And the very thought of that will ALWAYS put a smile on my face (:

Love, Yours Truly

 

God fucking damnit…

August 1, 2011

I don’t think I’ve ever been this angry, impatient, anxious, and just plain pissed off in my life.

I’m about to break something.

It’s so frustrating having to just go, go, go all the time. It’s driving me crazy.

I can’t stand you being gone… and we still have a week to go.

FUCK THIS.