Alone

April 24, 2011

I want to call you.

I want to hear your voice,

Know what’s on your mind.

I want to be close to you.

I wish I would have taken one last kiss,

One last embrace.

4 hours and I miss you more than ever…

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The End

April 24, 2011

“Have you seen the Lake House Kelsey?”

“Yes… Casey loved it.”

There are many more of these tearful moments to come.

Everything will remind me of you, from your shirts hanging in my closet to the Prayer Flags you gave me for Christmas hanging in my room.

I miss you already, my… Love.

My Hope

April 12, 2011

Depression only gets you so far in life… Numbness gets you the rest of the  way

Sick and Fucking Tired

April 12, 2011

Yesterday, I had a discussion with Tj about my jealousy problems. I told him that I get jealous of talented, pretty girls, especially when I’ve been off my meds for any amount of time. So… I went on  to explain how Casey’s niece Hannah (17) is gorgeous, an amazing painter, all around awesome, and that I hope to become friends with her instead of just being jealous. I also proceeded to explain how Hannah was with Casey and I at his birthday party, and that the two of them were opening gifts together.

 

Today, Casey walks up to me and says something along the lines of “Riley said you think I flirt with my neice.” Tj had told Riley about his and I’s discussion and, somehow, it turned into that. This is the text conversation that resulted:

 

Me:      Stay out of my fucking business. You cause nothing but drama. Congrats, you never cease to live up to my oh so low expectations

 

Riley:   Hahah. ❤

 

Riley:   Here’s a tip, sweetie. Keep my name out of your mouth, or at least be smart enough to make sure it doesn’t make it’s way back to me, and I will have zero interest in you or your life. I promise.

 

Me:      No no no, I don’t think you understand. I don’t make negotiations with slutty, untrustworthy bitches. How about this: youre done. Im going to set my phone down and proceed to delete any future texts you send me without so much as glancing at them. And keep in mind, karmas a fucking bitch, “sweetie”.

 

Draw your own opinions.

Anonymous

April 10, 2011

I’m never quite sure of who is checking this blog.

Looking at the view counts, it’s more than I thought.

I know of only one person who checks regularly… other than that, it could be many others.

In turn, this makes things difficult. I’m never sure what I can safely post.

Looks like I’ll just continue being vague.

Fear

April 5, 2011

I had a memory lapse yesterday. I sat through my first period speech class and did absolutely fine. Then, suddenly, when the bell rang, I couldn’t remember where to go; what to do. The teacher took me down to the office where my father picked me up. I slept for a while, then took a chance and drove to mom’s.

This morning I woke up with an anxiety attack, crying. I stayed home as a result.

I woke up around noon to terrible leg pain. I told mom, and her face went blank. She checked my eyes, my muscles… she thought I had had a stroke. So… she called my psy. and told him what all was going on. Again, he called back and told me to stop taking all my meds except seroquel. He said he was really concerned that the symptoms had come back.

Now, I’ve been sitting at mom’s alone trying to get caught up on school work. I’m terrified I will lose my mind, and nobody is here to babysit me (Casey was my only hope, and he told me he had a birthday party to go to). I get a phone call from my mother (5:00). She is very worried, and says she will make a Dr. appt for tomorrow. “What’s going on?” I asked. “You may be having blood clots travel from your legs, arms, ect. to your brain.”

I can’t describe how terrified I am right now. Not only do I have depression and anxiety issues to deal with, but I could have a life threatening problem that  has progressed for over a month.

I need help… I need support… It’s time for me to be on the receiving end opposed to the giving.